It's Been A Blast...But...

Hey...
Thought I'd blog on here as I haven't for such a long time! I'm getting increasingly bad at that, as I have been using my MySpace account for such things these days...But, what I have to say today...I can do from the safety of this blog page, without having to worry about certain people prying!
A few months back, both me and a good friend of mine decided to set up our Media company (we'd been thinking about it for a while and eventually decided to put it to fruition...The only thing that was holdig us back for quite some time, was choosing a suitable name! How stupidly girlie is that???)
Shortly after this decision, I embarked on a personal project with Ed Winslet...And had pretty much been championing him since day one. It was agreed that I should help him maintain a local fan base in Surrey and manage him. We started off good and strong and things were going very well indeed. But, lately, there seems to be an animousity between manager and artist, that I possibly find it hard to deal with. there haven't been any rows and disagreements, nothing that could have led to the current state of our working relationship...Possibly, I feel we have come to the end of the line...
Obviously, I do feel sad about it....Hell, there were fun times...But, all good things must come to an end!
With Ed, I feel that he has been doing it, plugging it and fighting for it, by himself for all too long...It's difficult to let someone in without them feeling like "all the rest", when thats the case...I don't fault him for it, I'm sure I would be exactly the same, if I allowed someone in, it would take some time to adjust, to realise, yes - there is another person fighting for the same cause as me and who is on the same side! Unfortunately for Ed, I'm not about to stick around and weather the storm...
Why? Because, at the end of the day, I had a goal at the start of this...I was setting up my company...The time spent helping Ed detracted from that goal, detracted from the purpose of what I was trying to achieve.
There are several elements that are causing me to re-think everything to do Ed...But I will not go into it...I will stay respectful of the situation.

QUIZAGE!!!!

1) Are you in a complicated "love" situation? HELL NO!!! (FOR ONCE!!! LOL)
2) Do you hate more than 3 people? HATE IS SUCH A STRONG WORD...DETEST...LOATHE...DESPISE - ANY OF THOSE WILL DO.
4) How many houses have you lived in? 2 HOUSES & 2 APARTMENTS.
5) Favorite candy bar? KIT-KAT...YUM YUM YUM :o)
6) Have you ever tripped someone? OH YES....LOL
7) Least favorite school subject? MATHS...URGH
8) How many pairs of shoes do you own? GOD KNOWS....AND I HAVE MANY MANY MANY TRAINERS
9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? I'M ASHAMED TO SAY YES!
10) Have you ever thrown up in public? ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASSION...AND NOT ALWAYS DRUNK EITHER!
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind? MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC
12) Favorite genre of music? RnB, SOUL, HIP-HOP, POP, ALTERNATIVE, ACOUSTIC...
13) What's your zodiac sign? LEO
14) What time were you born? 8.58AM
15) Do you like beer? IT'LL DO (IF ALREADY DRUNK)
16) Have you made a prank phone call? NEVER.....HHMMM, MAYBE I SHOULD....
17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? NICOLA HOLT (FROM BB1) "ITS ONLY A GAME" GIVEN TO ME BY THE RECORD COMPANY WHEN i WAS WORKING THERE.
18) Are you sarcastic? HAHAHA....WHEN YOU CATCH ME AT IT, I'M GOOD!
19) What are your favorite color(s): PURPLE, PINK...NO OTHER COLORS EXIST TO ME!!!
20) How many watches do you own? ONE.
21) Summer or winter? I'M GONNA BE DIFFICULT AND CHOOSE AUTUMN!!!
22) Is anyone in love with you? I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!
23) Favorite color to wear? BABY PINK
24) Pepsi or Sprite? SPRITE
26) Where is your second home? MALAYSIA
27) Have you ever slapped someone? YEP YEP YEP....DAMN FELT GOOD!!
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? ONE
30) How many video games do you own? NONE
31) First pet you owned?A BIRDIE CALLED MAX
32) Ever had braces? NEVER
33) Do looks matter? ER, NO....
34) Do you use chapstick? EEK...YEA
35) Name 3 teachers from school: MRS WORDSWORTH - LOVED HER TO BITS...DRAMA TEACHER, SHE WAS WICKED, BUT DEVELOPED M.S WHEN WE LEFT SCHOOL. MR MILLS - MY FIRST SECONDARY SCHOOL FORM TUTOR. WE GAVE HIM A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, AND LATER FOUND OUT HE WAS A PAEDOPHILE (OMG!!!) AND HE WAS JAILED AFTER WE LEFT SCHOOL. AND MISS ANNABEL - STRAIGHT-TALKING JAMAICAN RELIGIOUS STUDIES TEACHER....SOOOO FRICKIN' FUNNY - THE ORIGINAL BLACK WOMAN WITH ATTITUDE!!! I LOVED HER!!! OH OH...JUST FOR KICKS...MR COULSON - AN EX-MODEL, PHYSICS TEACHER...HOT HOT HOT!!!
36) American Eagle or Abercrombie: MEH!
37) Are you too forgiving? NOT ANYMORE!
38) How many children do you want? TWO ADOPTED.
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? WHAT THE FRICK?!?!?
40) Favorite breakfast meal? URGH....DONT DO BREAKFAST!
41) Do you own a gun? HEELLL NO!
42) Ever thought you were in love? I THOUGHT I WAS, BUT I WAS MISTAKEN
43) When was the last time you cried? LAST WEEK, LIKE THE BIG GIRLS BLOUSE THAT I AM!
44) What did u do last night? CHATTED TO A LOVELY GUY CALLED ED!
46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy? NO, BUT I CALLED HER HITLER!
47) Have you ever been in a castle? YEP YEP...
48) Nicknames? BOONDI, PLAYGIRL, YAZ, YAZMINDA, MINDA, MINDY
50) Ever been to Kentucky? FRIED CHICKEN...?....YEP YEP
52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? NOPES
53) Ever called somebody Boo? YEP
54) Do you smoke crack? ERM....
55) Do you own a diamond ring? YEPS
56) Are you happy with your life right now? YEPS
57) Do you like your hair? IN GENERAL, YES, BUT IT'S COMING CLOSE TO RE-DYING TIME!
58) Does anyone like you? WHO KNOWS? I CERTAINLY DONT!
60) What were you doing in May of 1994? WAS POSSIBLY IN BERLIN...
61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? YEP... :o(
62) McDonalds or Wendy's? MACCAS
63) Do you like yourself? I'M OK, NOTHING SPESH
64) Are you closer to your mother or father? ME BAPA
65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? ERM....STRONG ARMS? PREFERABLY WITH A TATTOO ROUND IT...YUM....
66) Are you afraid of the dark? SOMETIMES
67) Have you ever eaten paste? 'CUSE ME?
68) Do you own a web cam? GOD NO....I'D GET INTO TOO MUCH TROUBLE
69) Have you ever stripped? HELL NO....NOBODY'S GET FOR THIS JELLY!! HEAR THAT!
70) Ever broke a bone? NO...THANKS GOD!
71) Are you religious? NOPES
72) Do you chat on AIM often? MSN...YEP YEP
73) Pringles or Lays? NEED YOU ASK? PRINGLES
74) Have you ever broken someone's heart? I THINK I NEED, BUT I THINK HE WAS DELUDED...
75) Full house or Brady Bunch? ???
77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor? HE WAS THE PAEDO...
78) Has anyone ever called you a tease? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - ONLY WHEN DRUNK THO.
79) Do you have any pets? NOPE....CAN BABRELY LOOK AFTER MYSELF, LET ALONE ANYONE ELSE.
80) Do u own a car? I DO...MY LITTLE BABY BOO
81) Can you cook? YEPS
82) 3 things that annoy you? NOTHING OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, ALTHO THIS SURVEY IS BEGINNING TO DRAG!
84) Money or love? AT THIS SATGE IN THE GAME, I WANT THE CASH
85) Do you have any scars? NOPES
86) What do you want more than anything right now? MY MOUTH TO STOP HURTING...
87) Do you enjoy scary movies? CANT GET ENOUGH
89) Big red or Juicy fruit? NEITHER...YOU MING
90) Do you enjoy greasy food? AHHHH, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN STODGE AFTER A NIGHT OUT!
91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? DOES ROCKY...HORROR COUNT?
92) Do you own a box of crayons? ER.....
93) Ever had sex in a public place? OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YES!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
94) Who was the last person you said I love you to? SO LONG AGO, I DO NOT REMEMBER
95) Who was the last person that made you mad? GRRRRRRRRRR.....I CANT NAME AND SHAME RIGHT NOW....THEY'LL SOON KNOW WHO THEY ARE!
96) What was the last thing that made you cry? I CANT SAY
97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? ANDY B
99) Who was the last person that called you? ME BAPA
100) Who's your cell phone provider? OOOHHHH, T-MOBILE AND VODAPHONE

Is it me or are questions 3, 83, 88 and 98 missing? Probably more too. They must have been tough. For the advanced questionnaires;)

Thou Shall Move On To The Next!!!

In the span of four days, the duration of the May Bank Holiday, my heart feels as though it's been ripped out and shat on from a great height!!!

Bloody men!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! Why bother?!?!?

I swear I'm taking a vow of Frickin' celibacy....Thats It!!! I've had Frickin' enough!!!
No more....nothing, nada....not until it means something!!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Simon - Fuck Off!!!

Richy - You too...........Just as bad!!!

Bastards the pair of you's.....

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Bom Chicka Wah-Wah

Well, Hello!!!!

To those of you who read my posts, I'm sorry I've been a bit slack in the blog writing process and have been on MySpace waaaaaayyyyyyy too much (Its taken over my life!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!)

Anyways, to bring you up to speed....Not much has happened....Work, Thursday Night Dinners, a few dates....and me being my usual self!!!

Friday night was the first time we'd all been out in about a month (lack of funds is mainly to blame), and it was a pretty cool night....Mission of the night was to collect all five promotional bags from Malibu in the Rat and Parrot (one drink for every two malibu bought)...Somehow, Shane managed to get all five (why he needs them, I'll never figure it out!!! Lol) I managed three....Which isnt a bad effort seeing as I'm a light-weight!!! Lol....
Oh, oh....for some strange reason some members of our party were accused of taking Cocaine upstairs....Ummmm, yea, coz we look like the type of people to do that!!! Nice! Dont hate on us coz we're cool!

Dinner came in the form of Macca D's (Urgh....urgh...urgh!!!), it filled a hole and attempted to soak some of the alcohol up...but, after then, somehow our party started dropping like flies...and in the end it was left to the Thursday Night Dinner crew to live it up!!! And we did!!! Hehe....
Most of it involved us dancing like loons (well, ok, mainly Me) and some of us screaming "Boogie!!!" every now and then (well, ok, mainly Matt), oh, and embarrasing Sarah little sister, Jodie (well, ok, no that's definitely Sarah!!! Hehe). For the first time EVER, I managed to stay the distance! Managed to down the Sambucas without heaving, and managed to sing along to the Baywatch theme tune like I REEEAAAALLLLYYYY meant it. Managed to dirrrty dance with some random, who I swear looked familiar, but I have no clue who he is! Managed to finally meet Saj.

Anyways, whatever....An utterly Fabulous night was had by one and all!!!

Next morning, Sarah, Shane and I were off to Brighton for the day, to try and sunbake in the sun, and work off the hangover. It was a nice day tho, lovely, just to chill on the beach and fall asleep (namely, on Shane - who had turned into a human cushion for the two of us). Had a great relaxing walk along the pier - beautiful!!!
Stopped by Croydon on the way home...To mug Shane off one of his chairs so I can now sit outside on my balcony (Thanx hun, Love ya!!!) and for all three of us to collapse on his bed!!! No sooner had we fallen into a light sleep, then there was a knock on the window....I've never jumped off a bed fast enough...!!! It was Shane's parents, there was a gap in the curtain so I don't know if they saw that we were all in bed together...but how hilarious?!?!?

Hit Woking at about 9pm and in time for a Chinese...which was amazing!!! Yum yum yum...

All in all, a lovely few days...

Yaz is back!!! Bring it on!!!

xxxxxxxx

Rowan...

Finally met a new friend on Saturday and spent a good ten hours in each others company....The time flew by and it was really nice....After the events of the previous night, it probably wasn't the best idea to drink again, but it helped chill the mood and made it really nice and relaxed....He paid for Chinese when we got hungry and, yea.....it was really nice. He's fun and funny and great to talk to and there was a great connection....on a friend-level....Nothing more, nothing less....

I've noticed a change in myself....I'm more open, accepting and trust my instincts much more now than I ever did....I've become a little more laid-back and self-assured in my decisions and who I allow in my life...And I'm happy with that...So happy...

People like Rowan and Jake from last night...I would have been really shy with and not speak much....But, I've learnt that they will be more accepting the more confident I am...

Does stuff like that come with age? Or experience....??? I'm not sure....But for the first time in ages...I'm happy with that aspect of my life...

I'm not sure where the future lies with Rowan, friend-wise...It's a little difficult to explain....But, in the long-run, I really hope we'll be friends for a long while!!! Plus, we HAVE to go to Chameleon before he goes back to Brighton FOR......EVER!!! Lol.....

Friday Night Drama!!!

So, after not having Thursday Night Dinner for the last two weeks, we all decided to let our hair down Friday Night...Of course, having been paid for the month did swing it largely for us!!! Plus, it was Sarah's workmates (Jake - who is actually the nicest person I've met in a while) last day and so, he had been at the pub since Lunchtime!!!

Anyways, the night was really nice...for the majority of the time...Loads of us were out, and it was just really nice to have a big group of us!!!

But the boys are absolutely frickin' mental when they're really drunk!!! Walking home was a nightmare and left me wanting to take a time out until they calmed down...and Sarah in tears as they caused mayhem all around them. Eventually they calmed down....But, it was just craziness that I'm too too old for!!!

My saviour for the night was actually Jake, who I hadn't met til that night....We're the same age, so it was nice just to have someone to chat to. We went to get Chips as Dave and Sarah had an argument and Shane and Matt wanted to go back into Chameleon!!! Eventually we all made it back to mine....While Shane was attempting Spiderman routines the whole way home!!!

Quote of the night:

" That was ACTUALLY Fuckin' Funny"

- Jake, as Shane was hurled into a bush by Dave, and then couldn't get up!!!

Funniest moment of the night:

"Don't encourage them....DO NOT ENCOURAGE THEM!!!"

- as said by Sarah literally one nano-second before the bush-hurling incident!!! Which, when she turned round and realised what had happened, was - to quote above - Fuckin' Funny!!!!

Whats even funnier is the fact that Sarah had a massive go at him, telling him to get up...and he was asking for help because he stuck....But no one helped!!! Oooppss!!!

No one got any sleep that night....Not really.....Matt decided to sleep in the hallway with his music on!!! Had to confiscate his phone til the morning - But, somewhat naively, Sarah gave it back to him an hour before we all had to get up...And therefore, rest was broken again!!! Plus, I snore!!! Sarah shared my bed....but I was trying so hard for her to sleep before me!!! It wasn't happening!!!
Decidely, it was Jake who got the best sleep...In the Double Blow up Bed and Duvet (Surprising really, as he was the only one who didn't shotgun the bed!!!)....

Oh well.....Looking forward to the next night out!!!

St Patrick's Day....Oh The Drama!!!

It has taken me the best part of a week to muster the energy and the words to describe St. Patricks Night...

St Patricks Night was actual....ok....But, then it wasn't my Drama....For once!!!

What can I say? I went out with the people who I have grown close to in the past few months...Sarah, Shane, Steve, Matt, Jodie and her friend....It took a while for me to be convinced to come out, but I'm glad I did....It was just the night....Out of respect to the others, I don't really want to go into it, but it is in the process of being sorted.

There were no physical fights....just a few issues arose.....But we're cool.

Definitely want to frequent Woking a bit more though....My time in hibernation has ended....I'm ready to venture back out!!! Yee-Haaa!!!

p.s Managed to accumulate a few St Paddy's Day hats!!! Wicked!!!

Ian and Ashley

I don't know where it came from. I don't know if it were the alcohol. I don't even know if we all got one.... But, thank you for knowing exactly what to say even tho you're sooooooo many miles away.... I Love You Guys too and Miss you so so so much....Need your hugs and a much needed week of Alcohol-Fulled Boogying!!!

Much Love Always...

xXxXx

Random Thought of the Day

Where are all the good men dead???

In the Heart...

Or in the Head???

Public Apology - Even Though It Was Technically Not My Fault!!!

To the driver of the car who stopped and gave me way to exit my parent's driveway....Please accept my sincerest apologies - because I feel really bad -

I honestly didn't know the TWAT behind you wouldn't stop and I do hope the bumper of your car isn't pranged too bad.....

Bet you're thinking you'll never give way to someone else again!!!!

Kisses

xXx

Two Girls, Several Bottles of Wine and Three Hot Naked Guys!!! What More Could You Ask For On A Friday Night???

I've tried during the duration of this weekend to put into words the events of Friday Night...And I actually can't!!!

I'll just say this -

It was meant to be a girlie night in, lots of wine, gossiping, bitching etc....Well, it started out that way, but by the time the night was over for me and Sarah....Three of my guy mates (actually, two that I knew, Shane and Dave and their cute mate, Kevin) had turned up (drunk!). No sooner had they come thru my door, had they stripped to their boxers and demanded the code to the gym downstairs. They'd been down there barely Ten Minutes before they wandered back up, cuts and bruises and scrapes all over their bodies....Apparently, they'd fallen off the treadmill by putting it on fast and trying to jump on to it!!!!
Anyway, on their return back to the flat they proceeded to strip completely and it was so surreal to have three naked men in my flat with no other friend as a buffer!!!

There's really nothing else I can say about the night....other than it was highly surreal and I'm sure I'm not gonna see those guys in the same light again, having seen their dinkles and all and also having been made to judge who was the most Trimmed!!! Not a judgement I wanted to make at all!!!

All the boys eventually put themselves to bed which was quite sweet really and I had to tuck Shane in, but it was fine...

All of us were awake at 7.30am (so so so very wrong seeing as none of us got to bed til about 3am!!!) as Shane, Dave and Kevin had to go to work.... Dave made us all tea - which I guess was a slight compensation for the mayhem of the night before!!!

Quote of the Night...

Sarah: "I'm not shagging them....I'm sleeping with you!!!!!"

Me: "Should I be Scared?!?!?!?"

Friday Thought....

In my office, there's a notice on the wall which simply states:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - Chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO-HOO - What a Ride!!!"

How absolutely Fantabulous....And very, very true!!! Enjoy!

xXx

Thursday Night Dinner with Sarah, Shane and Matt...

After the few emotional weeks that I have been having (a blog, well an update, will be up soon about that...and to explain) it was decided that Sarah, Shane and Matt would come round for a beautiful dinner, lovingly prepared by my fair self of Spag Bol, Pasta and the best tasting Cheesy Garlic Bread I've had in a long time!!! Yum - :-) ......Mmmm, even if I do say so myself!! Hehe...

I must admit, it was amazing to have some friends round me right now and the evening was just lovely, we always have a laugh no matter what....This is the third week, actually, that the four of us have done dinner and , well, "something", together (quite grown up really - think of it as a more relaxed dinner party type of thing, Nice)...Tonight, we chose to have Movie Night. Movie of choice? The Grudge. Next week, it's the promise of Matt cooking....Mmm, he assures us he can't cook and Shane's offered to teach him....Oh my Gawd...There's gonna be mayhem in my kitchen next week!!! Note to self - Buy candles for our next dinner night.... ;-P

Shane - might I add is Crazy (Crazy in the coconut, I tell ya)!!!! There's already the offer of going boogying to mend one's broken heart (although, a lovely dinner, great company and great conversation always helps too!) - It's an offer that I am definitely taking up very very very soon, I think....Hell, we're gonna tear up the town!!!

xxx

p.s Shane, lovely, hunny-bun....Please stop trying to head butt my ceiling!!! Try as you might, it's never gonna work, even IF you launch yourself off my sofa!!! Bless ya cottons!!! Love ya xxx

Paul, Jit's Mate.....U is Crazy!!!

Paul...

Babe....Calling me at 1.30am in the MORNING, driving past my house and beeping the horn at same said time will get you pulled over and universally hated by the good people of Woking!!!

You crazy in the coconut!!!

Haha.....

Del-isms!!!!

Recently, my cousin, Del-Cakes (as she is sometimes known) has come out with some cracking quotes that have had me falling off my chair in hysterics!!! I only have I couple that I can remember right now, but keep checking back as I'll update as and when I get them, because they're gems!!!

"I've had a day that's like been Fucked up the Arse without lube!!!"

"She's as Ugly as my Arsehole after a Vindaloo!!!"

(God, I love my cousin for saying the right thing when I'm down!!! xxx)

Excellent..... Fantastically hilarious....

Sadly, at the moment I can see a disturbing pattern emerging....an obsession with Arses?!?!?!

Love you Babes...Even though I haven't seen you in what feels like many many decades...
Thanks for always knowing what to say and how to help...

p.s Forget about El Cunto...He thinks he's soooo funny in that You Tube thing for Nuts....He's just a typical man!!! And you're worth so much more....

xxx

Kelis - Lil' Star

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

If it seems like I'm shining brightly

It's probably a reflection of something you already are

I forget about myself sometime

When there's so many other around

When deep inside you feels darkest

That is where I can always be found

That is where I can always be found

That is where I can always be found

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

If you try to reach out and touch me

You'll see I'm not really that far

I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see

But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me

Everything’s just fine with me

Everything’s just fine with me

There is nothing special about me

I am just a lil star

I’ve been running and jumping,

But barely getting, getting over the bar

I plan on being much more than I am

But that's in due time

But until then I'm guilty

And being humans my crime

Being human that is my crime

Being human that is my crime

Just keep trying and trying

It's just a matter of timing

Though the grinding is tiring

Don't let 'em stop you from smiling

Just keep trying and trying

Sooner of later you'll find it

It's surprising how inspiring

It is to see you shining

Cause in the dark of the night

You're all i can see

And you sure look like a star to me

A Reflection on the last couple of months...

Some of you may not have known, but for the past couple of months or so, I had embarked on a relationship which by last Thursday was completely and utterly over. At the moment, as I write this, we are going through the stage of having space away from each other. Something, I know, as a person I desperately need, to reflect and to heal and to have down time and chill.

I am trying hard to muster the energy to explain the situation and the events that lead to the demise of the short time we spent together, but it is difficult to know where to start....

During the last couple of months it has been mostly an emotional hell...don't get me wrong...Some of it was lovely, and we did have great times together, just chilling and hanging out, getting to know each other and enjoying each others' company. But, it was only the second week before cracks started to appear...aside from feeling like things were going at the speed of light, I was accused of giving him something infectious (not once but twice!!!), cheating and not understanding his problems everytime we spoke. Now, for the record, I dont have anything infectious, neither have I ever cheated on ANYONE in my life and would never cheat. But, the issue I have a problem with is his problem...Not in the sense that he accuses me of not understanding, but differently.

Let me explain...Once upon a time, I used to feel the same as he does...Only, I fear his problem is a hundred times worse. When we first met, he told me he had issues with people in general, that he didn't have friends and that mainly he spent time by himself. I never really thought much about it, I admit, I thought maybe he was just very shy and was shy about going out with people. He told me that his ex-girlfriend lied to him two years ago and his best-mate took her side during the fall-out and he hasn't been able to trust since.

I tried to help him....I really did...I tried to intergrate him in with my friends who I knew were lovely people, but even then that wasn't enough...soon came the endless questioning about if they liked him or not and the analysing of every minute of the time he spent in their company. Arguments over and over again about the same things every night, the more I tried to reassure him and help him see the bigger picture and not just what he thought was happening or him just hearing what he wanted to hear, I think it was making it worse.
Plus I was starting to feel backed up into a corner...We actually split a few weeks ago, but things were becoming hazy, we were talking all the time and still hanging out, he was starting to make me make promises that I wasn't feeling comfortable with, but not just once, but nearly everyday - the same thing all the time, it was too much to handle sometimes. I would try to explain I couldn't make those promises to him because we weren't together anymore, that I could give him the alternative where neither of us would get hurt, but he would take it the wrong way. Everytime we'd argue, I would forgive him because I understood that he wasn't used to the things that were happening and I would try and teach him how to deal with it. But, it got to the stage where I thought even forgiving his actions at the moment when he was angry was wrong...He wasn't realising that he was hurting me alot aswell.

It wasn't the problems that rose to the surface that hurt, but also the under-lying problems that would manifest itself during conversation...It soon began to feel like I had to tip-toe on eggshells around him with whatever I said to him. Little things....He would complain that I wasn't opening up enough to him, so when I did, sharing stories of good times with friends etc, he would go quiet and confess that he was jealous of the past I have compared to the past he has...I never knew what to do. He would see the pictures round the house that I have of the eras that have come and gone, of people who meant so much to me and go quiet and ignore me as if I had done something wrong....How could I cope with that. Someone who said they loved me for who I was, was stopping me share that with them and making me feel like a horrid and terrible person for it... How does that work?

I did try so hard to help, to be there, to encourage and to make him realise that not all people are nasty, that there are lovely people out there, and that the way people deal with things when they are young is never the way people deal with things when they are older....wiser...and maturer.
But, regardless of that, it was never enough....
I had suggested counselling and he's doing it...well, started the process to be counselled, so I'm hoping he will be ok.

A reflection on myself of the last couple of months?.....
I dont know, having not had a relationship for about 4years, this really was a ball-breaker...enough to put you off for life!!! And you know what? I think singledom is absolutely fantastic...for me!!! Yes, I like the fact there was that other person in my life for a while, but.....I think regardless of the issues that arose, I don't think he was the one...obviously not the one THE ONE, but you know. But, it was definitely nice to have that feeling again. No doubt, at some point I feel it again, but til then....it's just a load of down-time for me....

And I'm just peachy with that....

Ice Skating and Bowling on Thursday 1 March 2007

Thursday night was absolutely frickin' hilarious!!!

Sarah, Shane, Matt and I went Ice Skating and Bowling, but not after Shane had cooked us a beautiful and well-balanced dinner of Fajitas, Salad and Wedges and it was Yum!!!

Now, I've been Ice Skating before, years ago....many moons ago in fact when I was about 14-15, the Ice Disco at the Spectrum was the place to be!!! And so much so that I actually had Speed Skating boots and an Ice Hockey shirt adorned with the Number 21 and LaChance written on it!
But, Oh My God!!! I've never been more petrified in my life....It was like I'd never seen an Ice Skating Rink before, let alone actually Skated before!!! I spent much of my time clinging on to the side of the rink, it's weird!!! Definitely gonna get a few refresher lessons and do it more on a regular basis as I reckons I'd love to use it as a form of exercise!!!
Bowling was just as fun....I came last.....but I dont mind that, coz I am just really really bad!!!!
Altho, however, I dont know what the people on the next lane were doing as seemed to be having a HILARIOUS evening.

Please also note, I've never ever going near that machine that Shane won my bear out of ever again!!! Why? Because it's pure evil!!! Truly, it is. £1 and you win every time - but they never tell you it's Frickin' difficult to try and pull a bloody bear out..the enticement is fraudulent. The boys had been on about 4 different games and Sarah and I were still on the same bloody thing! Grrrrrrr.......

Anyways, I fun night was had by all....Regardless of the fact that we all felt like we had a hang-over the next day....weird!!! No, no alcohol was involved at all!!! Haha......

Favourite Songs of The Month

In no particular order....songs I cant get enough of right now:

1. JT - What Goes Around...
2. JT- My Love
3. Beyonce - Irreplaceable
4. The Fray - How To Save A Life
5. Mika - Grace Kelly
6. James Morrison - Undiscovered
7. JoJo - Too Little Too Late
8. JoJo - Coming For You
9. P Diddy feat. Christina Aguilera - Tell me
10. P Diddy feat. Nicole Scherzinger - Come To Me
11. Kelis - Little Star

Bring it on!!!

xxx

One for all my girls out there....Do ya hear me???

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
One old love she can imagine going back to...
And one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Enough money within her control to move out & rent a place of her own
Even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
One friend who always makes her laugh...
And one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honoured..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job,
Break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder...
And when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect..
But it’s over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
A month...
And a year...

I thought I would transfer the previous posts from my other blog to here as they are great speeches and food for the soul when you feel down or disheartened. They help you see things in a different light and hopefully more objectively...

So enjoy....

xxx

AFTER A WHILE...

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much,
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure....
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,and you learn and learn....
With every goodbye you learn.

Veronica Shoffstall 1971

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak the truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world of full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full heroism. Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrending the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy fusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Hello Hello...

Well....Its 1minute past the midnight hour and I finally managed to get this baby going!!!

I forget that it would be such a chore to think of a valid and suitable address link for this..but, eventually, I did it! Phew..... :-)

So....welcome to my blog space...There will be more entries to this as the days go by so visit as often as you can!!!

For those of you who used to read my other blog, that one is now nil and void and this one has taken it's place.

Trust all is well with one and all....

Hugs

xxx